Starting preschool

 I had such an emotional time the last few days thinking about my little baby girl.. She has grown up so mich that she already going to start her academic life! when did that happen? How is it that she isn't a baby any more? How did she reach this point where she will wake up early for the rest of her life..

I couldn't sleep last night thinking about all of this , but when the time came I hardly was able to think about anything but how poor e-learning is for little kids.. 

I am not going to go through the experience of what had happen so far in her school because I can only imagine this happening everywhere over and over...

My sweet little baby girl.. I wish this beginning is the start of an amazing life ahead .. love always.. Your mom..

Covid life

 It's been a very long time since I decided to write anything at all in this area. Lots of things happened. The entire world is going through a pandemic which I never thought of, not in my wildest dreams, to experience something like this in my life. The life as-we-know-it has completely disappeared,  New norms has replaced what I experienced since I was born. My 4-year old girl knows words that I knew only as an adult.. Sanitizer, Corona Virus, Sanitize your hands, Wear your mask. Mosques has suffered from lock-downs on and off for over a year. Ramdhan has came and went by without family gathering or Traweeh prayers. Many people has shown their true face and many relations ended because of that. Social compliments has gone with no signs of coming back. Online learning has replaced physical schools. It's been ages since I hugged my mother or anyone else besides my kids.  lots of thoughts in my mind right now but I have to go to help my son out in his homework. Hopefully the next time I come by things go back to normal again.. Definitely not the old normal as I believe it will never be that way again, but hoping for a new normal that doesn't have as much stress as the current one does.

A blighted ovum

It's been awhile since my last post. Many things has changed in my life. Perhaps I would talk about them next time as if in this post I have something else to say...
last month I found that I was pregnant. Was not happy about it at all.. I did not plan it and was so upset even when I had to share the news to close family members.. I had so many concerns about how I will deal with three kids, and I had no clue.
I took the pregnancy test because of all the pain in my lower abdomen that lasted for few days. It scared me so much that I was terrified of the results confirming my doubts. I was right.. The test results came out positive..
As upset as I was I decided that this time I won't go for prenatal appointments.  Despite that, I still had to see a gynecologist for some issues, ended up doing an ultrasound at six weeks. Only the baby sac was visible at this stage and everything else was fine..
days after this appointment I started spotting.. I knew it's a common thing that shouldn't bother me, I thought it would be just couple drops and it will eventually stop.
This wasn't my case, it did last over ten days and the intensity just got worse along with bothersome cramping that won't let me sleep..
I had to give up and go to see a doctor.. I went to the emergency in BDF hospital. The doctor didn't even bother to do an ultrasound scan. she transferred me to the gynecologist next day. As she handed me the discharge papers I realized she filled them with all kind of shit! false information that she didn't bother herself asking me about! I went to see a gynecologist myself and didn't wait till next day.. She sent me to do an ultrasound scan right away.. The doctor showed me the baby sac and asked me if I could see anything inside it, I said no I can't,  can you? I was waiting for her to point on the screen and say here is this and that, but No! she said neither do I. for a second I tried to understand what that means and then I asked her. she said your doctor will tell you. my heart sank in my tummy. They explained to me that this is a case of A blighted ovum or anembryonic pregnancy. There is no baby, there never was.. She said it might change over the next two weeks we just need to wait.
I really don't know how I should feel.. I am still shocked. 
I feel that my body failed me.. Despite the fact that I didn't want this pregnancy to happen but for that time I was feeling so pregnant and in the next second it's not an abortion its just a big lie...
I'm so hurt.. I don't even know how to describe how I feel.. I just needed to write that down and get it off my chest.. 
period......

She is TWO!

My little munchkin is two today.. Two years ago I was in the operating room having c-section and meeting my angel for the first time ever.. She then stole my heart.. Her charming personality keeps shining everyday.. Smart, social, funny and a true passionate leader.. As depressed I was to undergo a surgery to have her as appreciative I am to have this little person in my life.. Can't imagine how my life would have been without her..
She loves her brother so much.. It makes me so content watching them both playing together.

As far as her progress, her four molars has erupted, canines still didn't show up although her gum are swollen and red.
I didn't completely wean her from my milk but I have been reducing it for a while now. She is so attached to it that it breaks my heart to turn her down when she asks for it throughout the day.

She is no longer a baby.. She is a little girl.. May Allah protect her and bless her with happiness.. Love her and her brother with every atom in my body..

so long guys!
Till next time.
xoxo

More tooth!

Yes not just one! Just two days after my last post her final incisor has erupted and yesterday we got her first Molar! That was not expected at all! I was waiting for the canines to show up but was surprised to see a molar first! Now I know why her mood was off lately.. Complaining and shouting whenever she doesn't get milk when she asks for it (Which is all the time by the way!).. She had runny nose last week and her sleeping was interrupted several times.. She refuses her solids and keeps spitting them.. this little tiny teeny molar explains it all!
It has taken a while for her teeth to erupt but now things are getting faster! Can't wait for this phase to finish to be able to take a deep breath off these symptoms.

Will keep you updated. Cio!

One more teeth! Finally!!

Last night I noticed that a new teeth has erupted in her upper gum! Yay to that! total of 7 teeth at 20 months + 7 days!
She has a strong mind.. She argues and screams.. She even cries loud when she refuses something! She wants to feed herself which ends up in a complete mess and for that I refuse to let her and trigger the beast!

Very short summry this time! Until the next major update!
Ciao!

يوم تحقيق الامنيات!

  وانا اضع ابني في سريره الليلة عزمت ان اخبر عن يوم عرفة بطريقة يستطيع ان يستوعبها في سنه الصغير.. اخبرته انه غدا يوم عظيم ينزل فيه الله تبارك وتعالى الى السماء فيسمعنا ويرانا  عن قرب.. ونطلب منه وندعو بما نشاء فيجيب ويعطي.. اخبرته انه يستطيع ان يطلب كلللل ما يتمناه.. ان يعينه على الصلاة وحفظ القران.. ان يكون مطيعا لوالديه.. ان يكون ذكيا متفوقا حتى يستطيع ان يتخرج من المدرسة -كان هذا من ضمن امنياته - رايت عينيه وقد برقت من الفرحة كمن بدت له فكرة! ولخبرته ان بامكانه ان يطلب المال الوفير وان يطلب حتى بيتا من الشوكولاه! ضحك ابني كثيرا عندها فقد اعجبته الفكرة! اخبرته ان ينام سريعا حتى يستطيع ان يدعو بما يشاء غدا لانه يوم تحقيق الامنيات.. قبلته وذهبت وفي ذهني يتردد صدى هذه التسمية.. يوم تحقيق الامنيات! كم من امنية اتمنى ان تتحقق.. هناك قائمة من الاماني التي وضعتها تباعا..
صلاح ذريتي وهدايتهم على راس القائمة.. والجنة لي ولمن احب..
ثم تاتي امنيات دنيوية وحده الله القادر على تحقيقها.. وبدات الاشياء تجذب تفكيري الواحدة تلو الاخرى.. علي ان اعد قائمة مكتوبة حتى لا انسى ما اريد.. انها ساعات قليلة ولكنها ساعات ذهبية فاز من اغتنمها..
تقبل الله طاعاتكم جميعا وكل عام وانتم بخير